Where to start, it’s 3am and I can’t sleep. This happened quite a number of times ever since I was a kid and I just can’t figure out why. Could it be the jet lag, insomnia, anxiety or the fact that I haven’t had a proper human face-to-face interaction for a long time? I couldn’t put a finger on it but all I know is that I can’t sleep.
Sorry, no pictures for the time being
Plenty of thoughts raced to my mind but none of them are beneficial. If I really think about it and that is why I have this blog, I don’t really have to worry about a lot of things and the things I worry about are outside of my control. These thoughts always come past midnight because it’s the loneliest time of the day for me. All my friends and families are asleep and there is really no one to talk about it with. Now I know I am more than capable of processing these thoughts but after midnight all the emotions and rationales are mixed up. The only thing I can say is that it does feel lonely at 3am lying on my bed just processing all my thoughts. I know I can just take a sleeping pill and go to bed but I am sure I will just sweep away the thing that is keeping me awake to a spot in the corner where I will eventually stumble upon again so I have to face it anyway.
Have you found a friend/partner to whom you can just speak what’s on your mind knowing that they won’t think of you as a bother or they’re genuinely interested in listening to you? If you have then keep them close, they don’t come often enough in a lifetime. And now I am thinking to myself, who do I feel the most comfortable talking to? It could be you who is reading this because again, only my closest friend gets to read this brain dump of mine. I’m sad guys, I don’t know why but I feel sad for some reason. Maybe it’s 3am and there’s no sunlight to supply me with vitamin D, maybe it’s the isolation (because I’m covid positive), maybe it’s a deeper underlying cause that I need to voice out or maybe it’s a combination of all of these that made me like this. I think the longer I write this post, the more clearer what is the problem that’s keeping me awake; I have my professional life under control (my career, finance, physical health & wellbeing… well I need to start going back to the gym again) but my social life (my emotions & relationship) are all over the place. Maybe this will be a start for me to look into that aspect and see how I can improve it but I know I have said this to myself so many times in the past posts but I REALLY need to start looking into it rather than thinking everything is fine (ofcourse, my inner voice tells me to take a leap of faith but hold it right there dude).
Anyway, in an hour or so my dad will wake up and he’ll make all sorts of noise so I guess I should get some rest. I do think my dad gets lonely in the early hours too especially now he’s in his advance retirement age and some of his friends has passed away and even some has lost the ability to speak properly. I wonder how things will be when I am in his shoes? These are the nonsense thoughts that comes to my brain this late at night.
Until then,
Exploration Cycles 